READ: Tales of Yoruba Demons: Garnished 

Garnished Demon Cocktail (Bobo) Photo courtesy of Laughing Demon Pub. Canada

Garnished Demon Cocktail (Bobo)
Photo courtesy of Laughing Demon Pub. Canada

You always know that in a group of young men, there is the well to do and the least to do at all. The  Least to do is usually the most active and frantic of the group.

You know that guy that knows all the clubs, all the drinks and their prices (basically because he Kent afford them) but claims to have tasted it and all. All these are made possible by the remaining members of the group he belongs to. The well to do don’t usually keep the prices in their head as far as it’s within the flex budget, then it’s cool to open to drink.

These boys are usually demons and the superpower of the least to do bloke is the power of “Garnished Bobo“. They eviscerate lingeries with the power of perception. They get that puna which loads of ballers have been friendzoned on in a matter of days.

Anyways, this tale is from a victim and it’s quiet fascinating how both demon and victim lived up and believed the act.

So it was at Quilox, group of ballers are chilling in the V.I.P session, Bros was the shotcaller (at least that’s what she saw) was the shinniest (blinged out) and approached Aunty with so much confidence (henny as a catalyst), got her digits, and didn’t hit the rack when he dropped her off in his Range Rover Evogue at her hostel.

Day 1, no call or text from bros. Day 2, no call or text from bros. Day 3 and Aunty was beginning to wonder if she did somerin (something) wrong or she didn’t look good enough? She took this low esteem to class as she tried to seek attention to compensate for this fall in self esteem. She returned to the club in search of Bros on Day8, and not iwun (even) a member of his squad was present that night, she also shunned every advances so it won’t be difficult to excuse herself in case bros works in at any point. Day 16 and she was beginning to forget how bros iwun looked like.

Her phone lights up the next evening and it was number on caller identity. She picks and it was bros on the other line, she was so happy and yet she formed “you piece of shii nicca, kept me hanging” vexing. He calmed her down, told her about how he left for Abuja the next day for a meeting, business schedules and only got back the day before (day 16). Then the usual chats went on on whatsapp and she well, fell for bros and he did too for her (at least, thats what she said he said).

He got back from Abuja and as there was a preweekend together arrangement plan, he picked her up at her hostel in a Muscle. Now, she deciphered he had more than one car, hence his job, a consultant (never told her his field), must be really big. From hostel to club and from club home. There began their lovely relationship that lasted 6months in which he came around for one weekend (Friday-Sunday) in each of those months until certain scales were peeled off her eyes when the Supermart store woman opposite bros’ house told her his dirty lil secret.

Bros’ presumed house is at Gbagada Phase II (not real address), quiet posh, a 2unit of 3bedroom duplex. She said she never saw bros’ pic on the wall, except for people who’d pass for parents and just a guy(several pics of different ages). He claimed the pad is he’s cousin Wale (not real name) who was away to visit his parents in PH for the week, and stayed with Wale whenever he was in Lagos.

I presume you must be dying to know his dirty little secret also; you nosy somebori. Well, the store owner asked her if she went to the same school with bros. It turns out bros impersonated Wale’s job and lifestyle for his. He is Wale’s parent’s driver for 35years son; Yeop, you can see the many ‘Ss there too. Who stays with Wale becomes he schooled at a Polythenic in Lagos, and Wale being from Old money was quiet carefree about his association with bros as they kind of grew up together, so he didn’t worry about how he handle his cars and all.

Anyways, the relationship ended and I believe she used the term “6 months wasted. Please do well to mention his full name”. Sorry love, I like this fella, and I kent (can’t) snitch on this bloke either. He must own a chain of Garnished Bobo bars. He’s a Demon.

Don’t forget to reach out via mail or whatsapp to tell your story. Anonymity guaranteed.



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