Comic Relief: A Day in The HAMPTONS

Earlier this week I went on a courtesy visit to a client’s house, was there about an hour and half when he decided to go see a friend and he stated “Aburo jekalo (Let’s go kid)” and I followed since my schedule was empty. Our drive took us to the highbrows of Lagos island which I term “Hamptons” as its only the big fishes that live there. We got to Victoria Garden City (not actual estate) and I saw houses that individually cost more than the estimation of all the houses on 4streets in Mafoluku, comfortably sitted on 4plots of land.. Hian. As we pulled into the side curb of this almost fenceless house, I saw a white Lamboghini Gallardo (not sure) used in the Akon-Eminem Smack That video approach us with a tiny L on it; I’m like “DAMNNNN! This is the shii”. My client said “O maai tiri nkankan (you ain’t seen nothing yet)”

"DAMMMN! This is the shii"

“DAMMMN! This is the shii”

We alighted our Toyota Prado (hian) as we were about to walk in, this lambo pulls up next to us then this osan wewe chested (breast the size of lime) girl comes out (between 16-18years old) out. The inner me goes “Diaris is God”. “Hello uncle Tunji (names also changed)” she says to my client. “Tinu, Awayu? Long time, how’s school?” he replied.

"Diaris God Sha"

“Diaris God Sha”

“Daddy e nko, so wan le (How’s your dad, is he home)” “Yes, he is sir” “Oga ooo kini yi *points to the lambo* lo tun fin ko driving, Oga fun daddy e (Wow, this is what you learning with, always a wonder with your dad). Masa baaje (don’t scratch it)” The girl smiles sheepishly and goes.. “Its mine sir, he got it for me on my 15th birthday”, my client and I simultaneously had this ‘Say God!‘ expression

"Say God!"

“Say God!”

“Overheard Dad”, she continues “talk to the Insurance lady about you being the most careful driver amongst his pals and even said you would be a profitable customer to the company”. My client immediately had this “Na only me waka come” expression then I knew shii was deep.

Shii was Deep

Shii was Deep

The lil girl didn’t realize or maybe she just ignored it and went on “Its insured though, I scratch it, its replaced. Uncle Tunji, I have to go round the block 2 more times, I’ll join you soon *turns to me* Hi!” with that, she enters the lambo and zooms off. The rest of the day is mine to enjoy. Safe

"Na only me Waka come"

“Na only me Waka come”

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