Comic Relief: A Rough Good Day
Today, I woke up with the intension of raiding the stores close to the Benin Republic Border, so I closed everything work and dressed as casual as possible. So I leave home wearing a branded bishop collar by College Wear (collegewear.com.ng) and an empty duffle bag. On my way to the ATM, our beloved NPF decided to use me for a random stop and search.
Cop 1,2,3: “Oya stop there”
Cop 2: “Oga come down, Police” *Flashes ID card*
Me: “#Osheey. Morning Sirs! Can I see that ID card pls”
Cop 1,2,3: *Laughs*
Me: *Straight Face*
Cop 2: *Hands over ID*
Me: *Hands School ID to cop 1*
Cop 1: Hello Mr. ________. What do you have in your bag and pockets?
Me: Bag’s empty, nothing unusual in me pockets.
Cop 1: Lemme have your phone.
I hand it over and he asks, “Do you work?” which I replied with a “yes”. “What do you do?”. “errrr I consult and I blog” *turn my back to show him my blog address*. He murmurs the name and keeps going through my phone, which by the way I was getting irritated. Then he asks what I was studying, I told him psychology and this Nicca goes “So can you tell me what I’m doing?” I wondered in my mind *Is this an eye test or a translation protocol?* Then I replied “Going through my phone without a warrant”, that’s a lie sha, I said “You’re looking for Internt fraudsters”. He laughs and changes topic to why I don’t have yahoo messenger (na there sure pass), to which I said I don’t need it. Long story short, he told me to continue to a be a good boy “I go visit omobabapension.com” was the last thing he said to me.
I get to the park. Bus is N400, car is N600. I enter the car and while seated, waiting for 2 more persons so we could be off, 3 buses had filled up and gone (What Nigerians can do for N200), I decided to switch vehicles bus fills up exactly when the car I left fills up. Now understand that I rued not waiting in the car; the bus was bloody tight (4 per row), blood flow was hanging so I had to keep changing into 3 particular positions before I could get a wholesome circulation (kinda like a breakdance move in loop). The traffic was “Jesus is Lord” and spent about 2hours between Mile 2 and Trade Fair; got off (Agbara) before my stop (couldn’t take the dance moves any longer) and took another bus :’(
Shopping was fun and quick (no lady around to make things slow). So I decided to go through Iyana Iba to boycott the Mile 2 “Jesus is Lord” traffic. The bus was loading; there were about 5 more spaces when a guy (jasi nicca) went to ease himself at the park, the guy (papa) that collects money for the driver; probably drunk, picks up the other guys load and was like where is he, and was taking his load to the next turn. Please bear in mind that there still 4 more spaces asides his and no one was there to come and take up any of them; guy comes back and papa drops voice for him, guy says he went to pee, next thing papa says is “O bati sofun mi nip e ofe lo to (Should have told me you want to go pee)”. At this juncture, I died of laughter; Nicca was like “Eyin jo headmaster, garage jo school abi (Now you’re a headmaster, and this garage is your school)”
Well, we all know how these things go; curses, insults, threats, no action (mstcheew) Anyways, got a good bargain for my goods, stressful day with its benefits also.
I can’t complain, all I can say is “It was a goodt day” *In Ice Cube’s voice*. Safe